What is Productivity

I really resonated with this idea of productivity that Tyler Denmead talks about, both in my personal life and in the work I do working with an arts organization.

I think personally this is something I've always struggled with being someone who has struggled with mental health. A lot of times I am so overwhelmed by tasks or just lack motivation in general that I end up not doing anything (this turns into watching tv or scrolling social media most of the time) and feel guilt for being unproductive. That I'm not doing anything with my life, or I'm not doing the hobbies I enjoy doing because I feel stressed or tired. 

My therapist asked me the other week "but is that not productive to you?" implying that if I've gone to work all day (and sometimes to another job or to class and then working some more on the weekends with some side hustles sprinkled in) is spending my free time as a couch potato unproductive to me. And while I think no because I need that mental break and de-stress of just focussing on if Ross and Rachel were on a break or not (they were NOT if anyone wants my opinion), I think society would look at that and think it's lazy. Maybe that's my idea of how society views things but I think there is just so much pressure to work, and work multiple jobs so you have enough money, socialize with friends, keep up with household chores, contribute to the economy (go shopping, out to dinner, concerts, etc.), cook, sleep 8 hours, have a hobby, be active, the list goes on, that if I use what little free time I have to take a break that I feel shameful. A lot of this is my own anxiety and stress but I don't think I'm the only one who has this tug-of-war with productivity.

I think we do it a lot with our youth too when they express their interest in something. Even when they're young when a child loves to draw we say "oh they're going to be a famous artist one day" or "they're going to be a professional basketball player" because we gave them a basketball toy at 6 months. We're already demonstrated at a young age that we need to monetize and make a career out of the things we enjoy. For some people that's fantastic, I know so many successful artists who enjoy creating and selling their work, but for others, why can't their joy for painting just be a joy for painting? Why do we need to put this pressure on young artists to show their work in galleries and try and get them to monetize on it? A lot of times I think we're then putting stress on people and taking away that joy they once had. I wonder what it would look like to have an art program where youth just come to make art just because they enjoy it. I think New Urban Arts does still do a fantastic job at fostering this and Denmead makes some great points about this pressure coming from potentially harmful adults in those spaces and also how funders and grants are often putting this pressure onto the staff which is projected onto the youth. I wish more people could recognize that sometimes a youth space needs to be just that. Not a space where they can make up work, improve their reading test scores, or get tutoring but a space where youth get to be themselves no questions asked no pressure added. 

Care

 

I think about being at RIC for my undergrad and being in the spring of my junior year when my dad passed. My teachers knew (I had to send them each emails about it) because I needed to miss a week of class. Lucky it was only a week since the day he passed was the first day of spring break so I had plenty of time, one of them said to me. Little did they know I was supposed to leave that next day to visit a friend studying abroad in Ireland and to celebrate that I was about to turn 21. 

I don't remember who told me about the counseling services available at RIC free to students, it definitely wasn't that professor. But I was so thankful to be able to have that resource. To me, that was the care I needed in that moment. I needed a safe, un-bias space to talk about what I was feeling and experiencing. From the woman at the main desk, who after I graduated continued to offer me resources for support, to the woman I opened up to on a weekly basis, I felt cared for. 

I was so appreciative that this was something RIC offered. It was tough when I graduated I was nervous about going somewhere else to get support and I didn't try another therapist until this summer. I had to go through my own insurance, which was expensive even with it (my work insurance is garbage) and then it took forever for me to get an available appointment. When I was finally able to speak with someone and express what I was feeling and going through they chalked it up to me "working a full-time and part time job and starting a Masters program" and "just being tired". Needless to say I never went back to them again. So when I finally started this program the counseling center was one of the first places I reached out to. I think this is because of the positive experience I had with them in undergrad and the care I was given.